Sexting can sound intimidating if it’s something that’s new to you or you haven’t done in previous relationships – maybe it feels like it’s only for younger people, or people more into online dating. It makes sense you could feel insecure if you aren’t used to it, but sexting doesn’t need to be a big deal! It can be a fun and hot way to connect with your partner, and also keep the time you have to spend apart feeling close and sexy.

It’s important to remember it’s more about vulnerability than skill – it’s less something you have to teach yourself to be “good at” and more something you have to let yourself try and experiment with. What makes sexting hot is your willingness to share how into someone you are and how much you want to be with them, not your exact wording or level of experience. That said, if you do want some concrete places to start, here are my tips for best sexting.

Describe something that’s already happened

An easy way to start sexting – or even just start introducing the idea of talking more openly about sex and turning each other on – is to talk to your partner about sex you’ve already had. This doesn’t require you to come up with any specific fantasies or the perfect, erotic language; it just means telling your sex partner about why you liked something that already happened with them.

Having the perfect words isn’t the key to doing this right; what makes it so hot is expressing how much it turned you on. If you can describe specifically how turned on you were by it and how that manifests for you, that’s even better; the point is to make clear how good it was for you. “I can’t stop thinking about how you touched me last weekend; I keep replaying it in my head at work.” “You taste so good, all I can think about is when I can see you again.”

Suggest something you’d like to happen in the future

It’s super hot for your date to know that you’re thinking of them, and even hotter to know you’re imagining your next time with them. It’s not intimidating; all you’re doing is talking about what you’d like to do next time you see them and how hot it sounds to you.

This can be a way of building on the first strategy – you can even talk about something you’ve already done and how much you want to do it again in the future, or even how you want to do it differently next time. Similarly, the important point isn’t the details of any specific sex acts; it’s emphasizing how excited you are about it and how badly you want it. Giving concrete details about how intense your excitement is what makes a good sext great.

It’s fun to try this as you and a sex partner get more into exploring new things – it’s an easy way for your partner to build on your sexting conversation by essentially “yes and”ing what you say. Before you know it it’s a dialogue, and then you’re fully sexting back and forth.

Share a daydream, sex dream, or fantasy

Once you feel fully comfortable with sexting your date and feel excited about trying new things together even when it’s vulnerable, it gets easier to talk about fantasies or ideas that are new but you’d like to try out. An easy entry point into this can be talking about sex dreams – finding out you’re making it into even someone’s subconscious thoughts is very flattering, and hearing a sex dream featuring you is hot. Try sending a message in the middle of the day sharing that you had a hot dream about them last night and asking if they want to hear the details!

You can also start sharing fantasies with your partner (and inviting them to share theirs!). This doesn’t have to be scary – it’s fun to make it into a game of exchanges if possible, trading who shares something. The important thing is for both partners to be actively engaged in what their partner shares and match their energy – even if a fantasy or idea isn’t one that you personally feel the exact same way about it, letting your partner know that it’s hot they shared it and how good it makes you feel will make sure you’re both giving each other goosebumps.