Is There Something Wrong with Me?

Just getting back out on the dating scene and only dating one person at a time? It certainly would make sense that anyone actively dating these days would be out dating multiple people with all of the apps allowing them access to swipe, like, wink and match their way to finding their future partner.  If you think about it, the best way to know if you really have made the best decision in choosing that one person to whom you are going to spend whatever precious extra time, energy and focus on is by going out with a lot of people, comparing them all and then choosing the one with whom you feel the most attracted to, the one you find the most shared common interests with and ultimately want to be with the most for any number of reasons.

But, what if you just don’t want to do that?  What if you are tired of hearing everyone tell you that you are “selling yourself short” by meeting one person and “settling” for them so soon without giving yourself a chance to really be single and know what you want? That you can’t possibly commit that soon to someone unless you know what else is out there.  And, knowing that by choosing to only focus on and date one person at a time, that does not mean the other person is going to do the same thing with you right then and there. They may still be out there dating around, saying they are not ready to “commit” while you just don’t have it in you to have multiple superficial conversations with strangers that usually end up going nowhere or with one of you ghosting the other, leaving you feeling like you just wasted hours of your precious time that you could have been spending on much better things. You just cannot stomach putting in all the energy it takes to plan to meet up with someone when that, too, may or may not ever even actually happen.  And, if it does, it usually ends up with one of you being disappointed and never speaking again. So, if by some dating miracle, you actually make it on a date where the two of you like each other and you are compatible enough to make it to date #2, then #3 and keep texting and talking, your motivation level to continue putting in endless amounts of time and energy you just don’t have into more of what is likely to turn out to be nothing when you could put that time and energy into other things and just see where this relationship could go (while also having the perk of no longer stressing over what you did or did not say to them since they are the only one you’re dating).

So, is there something really “wrong” with you, or is there really something about dating right now that is somehow making people feel like there is something wrong with what you want to do? It reminds me of middle school or high school. It was so simple then, really.  You have a crush on someone. They have a crush on you. They ask you out and then you are suddenly boyfriend girlfriend. End of story. No major mental gymnastics and debate about it. It was definitely cheating if one of you was caught kissing another person, and that most likely led to a break up.  Now, it is you who is seen as too clingy and needy if you balk at the person you are interested in going out with another person or talking to them. And, if you dare bring up “the talk” about where your relationship is going, or that you want to be “exclusive” you risk pushing them away for good because you are putting “pressure” on them.

Nowadays, there are books, “magic” words and phrases that can be bought on-line to help you get someone to say they are your boyfriend and finally “commit” to you months into the relationship and after you’ve been having sex for just as long.  Why is it so difficult to get anyone to just want to date one person right now? What is so wrong with just admitting there is some potential there, and then agreeing to both focus on figuring out if that potential could result in something beyond a few dates by getting rid of any other distractions by only dating each other?  Why the need for multiple partners? Is it exhausting?

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