6 Ways to Ruin Your Online Dating Profile

on Thursday, 11 July 2013.

  1. Photos. When I ask clients about their number one disappointment about online dating, they tell me that their date used a ten-year-old, 20 pounds lighter photo. People! Why?! What good does it do anyone to post a photo that bears no likeness to the actual you? The person you eventually meet will certainly notice the bait-and-switch, and in addition to being disappointed, will also question your credibility. On another note, do NOT even think of taking a cell phone self-portrait in your messy bedroom. No one wants to see your piles of dirty laundry, unpacked boxes, and tattered Budweiser girl posters. We are visual by nature, and even the most open-minded person can’t help but draw (probably negative) conclusions of one kind or another. Help yourself out. Make sure you have at least 3 quality photos of yourself. One must be a full body shot representative of your actual physique. Like it or not we live in a full-disclosure age, and any profile lacking this will very possibly be glossed over (“oh he’s probably fat/got kankles/bowlegged” you name it). At least one photo should clearly showcase your eyes and face, and one photo should be of you doing something you enjoy. Whether your photo is of you rock climbing, walking your dog, surfing, or spending time with your children etc., you will give the viewers of your profile a glimpse into your personality and interests. Avoid the temptation to post a photo of your fancy car or your large fancy home. Try not to use a photo showing you with another man or woman that could lead someone to think they are looking at your ex. Remember that viewers of your profile need to decide if they want to meet you based solely on the information that you provide them, so do yourself a favor and make the choice to meet you an obvious one.
  1. Be Positive. Do not disclose overly personal information such as personal traumas or health problems. Do not write an exorbitant list of deal breakers. Spend time on your profile; avoid writing a boring, unoriginal narrative. If catchy writing isn’t one of your strengths then enlist the aid of a friend who can help, or hire a copy writer to spice things up. Be honest and accurate about yourself as well as the qualities you are seeking in a mate. A positive profile will attract a great deal more attention than a negative one. For example, talk about your interests, passions or a recent adventure that inspired you in some way. Talk about how you are excited to meet someone who can share these experiences and how you are looking forward to being introduced to someone else’s experiences as well. Human nature pulls us to seek connections with people. When someone reads your profile whether they realize it or not, they are hoping to find a human connection. Spend more time highlighting the positive than dwelling on the negative. This is not to say that you can’t mention a few pet peeves and deal breakers, but try to focus on what turns you on rather than what turns you off. No one is looking for a Negative Nancy.

  2. Use kOrrEkt sPeeLlIng and gRamMEr. No one wants to meet a knucklehead. Always get a second opinion and have another set of eyes proof read your profile. Ask a trusted friend to help you choose flattering photos. I have had more than one client tell me they would stop reading a profile if it was rife with misspellings and bad grammar. It’s an immediate turn off to see for example an attorney’s profile with grammatical errors or better yet a professor.

  3. Don’t cut your nose off to spite your face! Do not limit yourself by being too specific about your “type”. We all have our preferences but I guarantee you whatever hair color, neck circumference, or body type you aim to avoid, there is someone you’d be attracted to who has it.

  4. Over disclosure. Putting the details of your recent heartbreak in your profile is definitely not going to help attract the next love of your life. Like I said earlier, be mindful of staying positive. When someone comes across a profile that reads NO LIARS, NO CHEATERS, NO PLAYERS, it screams that you have not yet worked through your past hurts. It could lead someone to question if you are actually in a healthy place to meet someone and if you are relationship-ready. Leave the gory details regarding your heartbreaks and/or divorce for after you have met, dated and actually know each other. I would recommend this type of disclosure no earlier than 3 significant dates and after things are going well.

  5. Don’t sound desperate! Posting your email or personal phone number in your profile reeks of desperation. If the person viewing your profile wants to reach you they know how! Avoid sending a desperate vibe right off the bat.

 

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