6 Ways to Ruin Your Online Dating Profile

on Thursday, 11 July 2013.

  1. Photos. When I ask clients about their number one disappointment about online dating, they tell me that their date used a ten-year-old, 20 pounds lighter photo. People! Why?! What good does it do anyone to post a photo that bears no likeness to the actual you? The person you eventually meet will certainly notice the bait-and-switch, and in addition to being disappointed, will also question your credibility. On another note, do NOT even think of taking a cell phone self-portrait in your messy bedroom. No one wants to see your piles of dirty laundry, unpacked boxes, and tattered Budweiser girl posters. We are visual by nature, and even the most open-minded person can’t help but draw (probably negative) conclusions of one kind or another. Help yourself out. Make sure you have at least 3 quality photos of yourself. One must be a full body shot representative of your actual physique. Like it or not we live in a full-disclosure age, and any profile lacking this will very possibly be glossed over (“oh he’s probably fat/got kankles/bowlegged” you name it). At least one photo should clearly showcase your eyes and face, and one photo should be of you doing something you enjoy. Whether your photo is of you rock climbing, walking your dog, surfing, or spending time with your children etc., you will give the viewers of your profile a glimpse into your personality and interests. Avoid the temptation to post a photo of your fancy car or your large fancy home. Try not to use a photo showing you with another man or woman that could lead someone to think they are looking at your ex. Remember that viewers of your profile need to decide if they want to meet you based solely on the information that you provide them, so do yourself a favor and make the choice to meet you an obvious one.

Your Partner Cheated - Now What?

on Tuesday, 10 September 2013.

THREE MYTHS ABOUT INFIDELITY & THREE ACTIONS YOU CAN TAKE TO REBUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Extramarital affairs are more common than you think. So are the myths surrounding them. Because the experiences are often shrouded in shame and guilt, we don’t hear about the couples who actually recover from infidelity and how they did it.

Distinguishing reality from myth is a first step in getting to the truth and working through the experience.

Below are three of the most common myths about infidelity, demystified, followed by how you can thoughtfully rebuild your relationship.  

Myth #1. If my partner cheated once, she/he will cheat again. Most affairs are a one-time thing. They happen spontaneously and aren’t a result of someone searching for it or wanting it to happen. An affair is as individual as the members involved in it. Repeated affairs have more to do with unresolved problems, issues, and communication from each partner than a character flaw of one person. Each partner must be honest with his/her feelings of hurt, guilt, shame, jealousy and anger. What happens after the affair can set a relationship on a course for stability or blow it out of the water. After ending the affair, the person who cheated must be completely honest for healing to take place.